Presence in Relationship

Women find that a man’s ability and capacity for Presence is especially significant in opening their hearts and bodies and deepening the love and connection they share together. Marcia, who had been under a lot of pressure with her job, was feeling disembodied and unable to sustain the quality of her sexual connection with Kevin. “Before this job increased my workload, I couldn’t get enough of Kevin,” Marcia says. “Often, I would create special times for us to make love. But now the idea of sex feels unattainable, too much to handle, and burdensome. I can hardly feel my body and my desire for Kevin.” Kevin felt disappointed and hurt, and wondered what he could do to bring back “the magic” they had —before their sex life began dwindling.

During their sessions with us, Kevin realized that fixating on his disappointment was causing him to create more distance between him and Marcia. This, in turn, was causing Marcia to feel pressured, and put up a “wall” between her and Kevin regarding sexually sharing their love and connection.

The exercises and practices we gave Kevin and Marcia helped them feel a lot more presence in each other and their self, which moved them both to be more open and receptive in their sexual union. Marcia says: “I felt the difference in his touch. I felt deeply loved and nourished when he would take time to be present with my body (massaging my back, feet, and breasts, giving me kisses and love with the “Body Blessing” exercise). I felt I could let go and just be. I felt my body open and my tension melt away. Sometimes we would go into lovemaking which would feel so much deeper, and our connection together so much stronger.”

Kevin, in turn, realized that being present facilitated what he really wanted—which was a deeper connection with Marcia beyond just having sex. “When I gave up my agenda for sex,” Kevin says, “and focused my attention on conveying my presence and love through my touch, Marcia’s body responded. At first giving up my agenda for sex was a little challenging because I wanted her to respond like she used to, but the more I let go and focused on being present, the more I realized how easily what I wanted down deep manifested.”  

Marcia felt relieved to be free of the pressure to have sex if her desire wasn’t there or her body didn’t respond. She reports: “It feels deliciously yummy when he can meet me where I’m at and just hold me lovingly if that’s all I need.” She laughs, “When I can relax this way, my body will usually change my mind into wanting to connect with Kevin in lovemaking.” Kevin and Marcia are an example of the masculine and feminine coming into synergistic alignment and connection through presence and allowing “what’s-so” to unfold organically.

A Closer Look at Presence

Presence is more than simply being attentive; it is a pervasive constancy of attention that is expansive and palpable—presence “fills up space” (i.e. another person can feel your presence when you walk into a room). Attention is mental focus—Presence involves the physical and emotional bodies as well.

Presence is the spiritual application and the aspiration of Strength—not strength of muscles, but strength of character, integrity, and will. The application  of Presence in this context means that you consider the person, people, and/or circumstances of the moment as being as important as your own self-focused thoughts, needs and desires—and that your inner-strength can keep your focus in such an inclusive perspective for as long as is necessary.

Presence doesn’t mean you abdicate your ability to contribute to the unfolding of the moment. It just means your contribution is harmoniously balanced with what is already there and you don’t need to make something happen and put forth an agenda that feels good to you.

Presence is also “Wise”—in that it doesn’t react, try to control, or “fix” someone or the circumstances at hand to fit your idea of what “should be,” but allows the “what’s-so” of the moment to unfold by remaining open to its organic flow and readily supporting the higher possibility to emerge as it does so on its own.

Men and Masculine Presence

spiritual maleWhen a man exhibits the constancy of presence, he is perceived by his beloved and those around him as being reliably, or trustfully himself. He feels “safe,” which magnetically draws people to him. Because he isn’t putting on a front, or deceptively representing who he is, he feels more genuine and “real.” It’s not about “doing” anything (like fulfilling another’s wish or meeting a deadline) that qualifies him as being reliable or trustworthy—it’s his willingness to be transparent and not contrived or controlling that endears him to others. Presence is about “showing up” and being transparent with who he is and not moodily reacting or deceptively portraying himself to be someone he is not.

yinyangWhen interacting with women, a man who exhibits the Sacred Masculine attribute of Presence, activates and synergistically participates with the Divine Feminine’s core quality of “Being.” It then becomes easy for women to relate to a man whose presence facilitates their innate ability  to feel the flow of life and a woman’s organic sensual being. Rather than being another man who is a hindrance that she needs to mitigate, by showing up with the Sacred Masculine quality of Presence, a man creates a container whereby women feel free and empowered to express their Eros, creativity, and sexuality. He becomes the “safe space” within which a woman can dance, flow, and explore her relationship to her inner masculine, as well as the externalized masculine represented by the man before her.

 ”Growing” Your Sacred Masculine

In each man is the capacity and ability to reflect the Sacred Masculine and its hallmark of Presence. Discovering and exhibiting the Sacred Masculine is a process of knowing yourself at a deeper level. When you see your limiting beliefs and patterns and understand your deep psyche or shadow, it clears the way for an expanded sense of self that can reflect Sacred Masculine attributes, like Presence. Sometimes, help from an outside source is necessary to reveal places you are stuck or blind and to assist in releasing and integrating these gems of self-knowing.

Counseling sessions with us are helpful to achieve the clarity and transparency that men need in order to reflect the Sacred Masculine’s additional attributes of: Strength (of character, integrity, humility), Constancy (never giving up and leaving), Consciousness (expanded, transcendent), Power (right-use of), and Love (transpersonal).

We work with individuals and couples to achieve the relationships they desire—starting with their self, and including all significant relationships within their sphere of life.

If you would like us to help you release limiting beliefs and patterns while gaining deeper and more fulfilling intimacy and ecstatic sexual experience, then contact us by using the following form:

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